found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
