I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize