I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
