So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
