thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I wish i was in the wii world.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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