I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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