Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
