He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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