Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
