I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
