When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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