Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
