I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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