saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE