There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I thought spray tan was a myth
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
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as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me