I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
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Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
be there in ten.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
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ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.