i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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