this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
