Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
