thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
