Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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