Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Randomize
