I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
