I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
