Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
