Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
