Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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