Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
