By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
