My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
