My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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