The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
