Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
You are a genius and a whore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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