Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
