Porn is love you can see.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
