Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
