You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
