you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
