the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
