just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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