I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Houston, we have a blender
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
