You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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