i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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