Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
