Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
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The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
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My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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