I wish I only lived at night.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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