Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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