weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
