I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
