It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
