Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
