As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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