im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
false alarm. still invincible.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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