Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
