I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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