please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
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There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
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I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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