I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
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At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
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That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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