I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
