haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
