Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
