fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When are your genitals available?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
