I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
