Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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