i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
