Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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