Please, let me fuck your mom
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
