Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
