also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
