I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
