I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
