I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
