if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
