the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
