WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
